We’re an autistic couple. Both of us struggle with intense sensory stimuli, which is making oral sex difficult to give to each other.
Are their any tips on making this easier? We can just try things out and see what works
I can’t offer an autism perspective, but I will say that figuring out what you like and don’t like is a very common issue and unique to each couple.
My own wife does not have autism, but also is extremely sensitive and cannot handle anything but very delicate sensation. Over time we’ve just figured out through experimenting what works for her. I don’t think anyone could have taught us - it was something we had to figure out together.
So, my long reply short: you are right. Try things out and see what works. As long as you are listening to each other you are on the right track.
What things have you tried? Perhaps one of them works for us
Well, nothing very groundbreaking, honestly. Her preference is most any kind of contact with labia (she finds they’re not as sensitive), which would mostly include licking (mostly midline, from introitus towards clitoris) or lip to lip, like you’re kissing the labia like a mouth.
For direct clitoral simulation she prefers very gentle kissing of it, and eventually gentle licking (either flicking or circular around it) or sucking.
But again, the pace, intensity, pattern is very individual.
I might suggest just looking up oral sex guides and then seeing if any parts of them work for you.
I’d say for once don’t push yourselves. You don’t have to do every sex technique just because other people do it. If neither of you likes it, just let it go and focus on things you like. And if you want to do it, maybe take it slow. Let the person who is overwhelmed lead the pace. Agree on some signals and cues. Don’t be disappointed. Just stop and change to something different. It’s alright if it only lasts for a short moment. Maybe you can work your way up. But don’t push. Sex is about enjoying it, not do something specific.
And if you like to play games:
https://bettymartin.org/videos/
That’s about learning to give and receive. About setting boundaries and learning each other’s level of comfort. Maybe it helps. She has a free game(PDF) further down on that page.